palmstraps | Are you waiting, are you wishing, are you wanting all that she can't give?

Are you waiting, are you wishing, are you wanting all that she can't give?

Niles was working late. More than settled in Defiance, now that Amanda was working for him. Better than that, she understood him. For the first time since he'd been a teenager, he shared the story of what had happened to him. Gabe had always told him that it was a terrible idea. It was better if only the two of them knew that horrible nightmare. But Gabe hadn't been there with him. Hadn't been there when his truck was held up and he was forced to strip. He didn't understand. He'd escaped that awful eleven days as one of the lucky few who hadn't been subjected to that awful treatment. And when Amanda had asked, he'd refused to share. Remembering his friend's words of warning. Of what someone might think of him. But with Amanda there, so caring and so gentle without prying, he'd opened up in a way he hadn't thought possible.

He felt better than he could ever remember. Amanda was finally warming to him. His plan with Doctor Yewll was going as smoothly as could be expected, now that the possible tech had been procured. Soon he'd be able to play the hero and rescue the sister thought dead. He'd be a hero and she'd never doubt him again. The only shadow over it all was that he hadn't heard from Gabe in almost a week. Not since his roller had been attacked.

That's how it always went, it seemed. Gabe couldn't be found when Niles needed him more than anything. Especially when it related to that day in particular. Just as he hadn't been there the day he'd been attacked. Yet he always seemed so incredibly jealous that Connor had been the one there to comfort Niles. It was something that he frequently questioned but tried so hard to not think about. Of everyone, Gabe had escaped without much in the way of injury. The rest of the students shunned him after that, and seemed to think Niles unwell for sticking by his friend.

Niles set down his pen, rubbing at the bridge of his nose in the dim light of his office. He needed to figure out a way to get Amanda unconscious. Deep enough that she could be given an injection in the back of her neck and not be woken up. Gabe was usually such a good sounding board for these things. Where the hell was he?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"No, you can't slow down," Gabe agrees. Getting the foundation; preparing the brick and mortar of the beautiful downfall of Niles Pottinger. Labouring the way with dimples and a quick wink to calm Niles down.

"But after what happened to you? Niles, please. 'Soon' isn't 'right now' or 'tomorrow.' One little day," He holds up a finger, as if the other couldn't count, "won't hurt." A wink. Another swig.

"Let me guess," He pre-emptively speaks: "We'll talk about it later, that's okay. I just worry you work too hard to make a fucked up world look perfect."

Niles opened his mouth to speak, but Gabe cut him off with the pre-emptive words. Tension eased out of his shoulders and he nodded. Gabe knew him son well. But then he shook his head, concern crossing his features.

"One night," he insisted, distracted. He focused on his boots yanking at the laces. "I just need to do this one thing. Once she has the EGO, we just have to sit back...it's all in Yewll's hands from there. I need to get it done tomorrow."

He was just making a mess of the laces. It was usually so easy. What was wrong with his fingers? "But tonight..." He picked up the glass and took another sip, flicking a sheepish glance toward Gabe.

"One night," Gabe agrees. One night can last forever, if given the chance to squeeze his hand around Niles' neck. One more swig and he lets out a happy little 'whoo!' with the fact that he's drinking at all. He sets it down with a loud thump, gets up and kneels in front of Gabe. There it is again, that smile, reassuring him that his sheepishness is okay.

He takes the other's shoe, resting it in his lap, and begins to untie and unlace them properly, whistling loudly and appreciatively.

"Votan-stomping boots. Very impressive. Kinky, too."

Niles relaxed back in his seat, letting Gabe take over. He continued to slowly sip at his drink, watching his friend with half lidded eyes. A faint smile passed over his lips in return to Gabe's smile. That bright expression always worked like magic on him.

He actually managed something close to a laugh at the comment. "Standard issue," he remarked. "What's that say about the Republic?" He threw back the last of his drink before he could think on the rest of the comment too long. There were certainly a few votans he'd like to stomp.

"That you're into some weird shit, man." But Gabe was laughing a little, triumphant. Looking his usual exuberant instead of moody self. He gently slides Niles' boot off of his foot, and ghosts his fingertips along his calf, as if wanting to touch but hesitating.

"It's okay. We're still friends even if you like to get hurled on for sexual gratification. Though I'm still sort of sad I can't go to the red light district in Amesterdam...I'll never see anything like it."

The touch on his calf seemed to ease even more his tension, even if he could barely feel it through his trousers. He knew the hand was there, that was enough.

The joke, even with the offer of no judgement, received a shake of his head. Sex was something that was incredibly lacking in his life. Even in his thoughts, unless thinking of the past--before that day. Pain and sex were two things he never wanted to mix, on either side. The very idea made him uneasy.

"You say that with all the time you've spent at the NeedWant?" he asked, trying to ignore his discomfort. "The night porters there offer things Amsterdam never heard of."

He went to take a sip of his drink, only to find it empty. Frowning, he looked through the bottom of his glass to his stocking foot. Weren't they supposed to leave, now? "Tell you what. We'll get you a taste of what's on offer. I'll pay." He started to push up from the chair. That was the agreement. One drink, then they'd go.

Gabe, refusing, didn't move from where he was kneeling. Niles was eager. Had to go. And Gabe? He'd push him back for just as long as it takes. He's got his teeth firmly into Niles' leg, like a bear trap. It's a matter of time before he bleeds.

The blonde reaches for the other shoe, already beginning to unlace it. "We just got here, you can do that /later/. Besides, why pay for sex when you can get it for free?"

He knows what this is about. Amanda.

Edited 2015-06-16 13:30 (UTC)

Niles sat back hard into the chair. It took him a moment to parse out what Gabe was trying to say. It collided with the subtle tingle of alcohol that was starting to settle into his head. For free? Did he mean...what Niles thought he meant?

He shook his head, trying to refuse. "You said you wanted to know what Amsterdam had been like..." he offered, wanting to insist they go. It was important they went before anything happened. Before he got passed tipsy. Amanda was there.

"Sure. So we'll go to Amsterdam. I've been to NeedWant, stop trying to get me to go because your girlfriend's there." He sounds dismissive--a real punk-ish attitude as he lifts his chin and smirks. The second shoe gets pulled off, and Gabe keeps the other's leg on his lap, walking his fingers up it to the knee.

"We're drinking, remember?" His free hand goes to the bottle. Takes a swig, offers it to Niles.

"It's...it's not..." Niles wanted to protest. Explain that the old world Amsterdam wasn't there anymore. At least not in the same way. The redlight districts were a thing of the past. Just like earl gray, ice cream and horses. There might be something similar, some replacement, but it would never be the same.

He waves the bottle away, shaking his head. "You agreed," he said, his head feeling fuzzier. "One drink, then we go." Arguing against Gabe seemed harder than it usually did. Why didn't he just stand up and walk out, boots or not? He was stronger than his friend, wasn't he?

"We had an agreement about dancing a couple of seconds ago, too," Gabe points out. Takes the other's hand and physically puts the bottle into it. Closes the other's hands, literally crawls into the other's lap like he belongs there. Licks his lips brings a hand up to stroke his hair, messing it from that fine hairstyle.

"C'mon. I'll let you off the hook for the dance thing if you have one more. Plenty of time to go screw your girlfriend."

Niles hand closed around the bottle. That weight on his lap was so comforting and so warm, he could just stay right there and leave until morning. But still, he shook his head. He pushed the bottle back at Gabe, trying to refuse the drink.

"We can still dance," he said, thinking that would appease Gabe. "But after we go. I just want to talk to her." He almost added 'one last time' but that seemed an odd thing to say, didn't it? "Set something up so we can get the EGO."

Gabe narrowed his eyes, turning the information over and over in his head. Digesting it, really thinking about it. Even as he's straddling his friend, and his arms sling around the other's neck casually.

"One more drink with me and then not only will I go to the NeedWant, but I'll tell you how to deal with Amanda." His brow lifts. "And I forgot about the dance."

For now. It's always a slow descent, at first.

Niles' lips pressed together, dropping his gaze from Gabe. He looked at the bottle in his hand, his thumb rubbing over the crystal neck of it. He didn't really want another drink, did he? That glass was three drinks in one. That should be enough, shouldn't it?

But Gabe had an idea for how to handle the Amanda situation. Why couldn't he just say it now? Why one more drink? Why couldn't he--

Trying to fight through the haze and find a way out of this, he felt it again. That thing that was just on the edge of remembering. But it was sharp and jagged and he didn't want it. In pulling away, he didn't want to think about any of it anymore. Maybe Gabe was right. Just one more.

"Hand me my glass," he said, still staring at his hand on the neck of the bottle.

"Eeeeeeyyyyy!" His hands wrap around the other's cheek, leaning forward to smack a kiss right on his nose. "Atta boy, Niles! I knew you weren't still that wuss I first met." He laughs, that angelic beam on his face, the all-american, wholesome son. He hands the glass to him, eyes alight.

"Okay, so: Yewll. What is up with those Indogene eyes, man?"

Edited 2015-06-17 06:01 (UTC)

Niles couldn't help but smile. It was small and sheepish, as if he were exactly what Gabe said he wasn't. That kiss and that smile was enough to reduce him to the insecure boy he'd once been. Glass in hand, he poured out a hearty measure of the port, twice as much as he'd intended. He pressed the bottle into Gabe's hand.

"I don't wanna talk about Yewll," he said. The alcohol was starting to really have an effect on him, now. His words were far less clipped and formal than they usually were. "Drink with me," he insisted. "And talk to me about..." he wanted to say 'why you hate Amanda.' But for the first time since Gabe showed up this evening, she wasn't at the forefront of his mind. In his thoughts, she seemed to be swapping places with someone he couldn't even see anymore. "...about Connor," he finished, his tone softening further.

He'll immediately shift his expression-the angel's smile turns into something a little less cherubic. Solemn, serious, but still fond of the memories. He takes a deep breath, and for a moment his chest rises.

Niles is drinking with him. That's all that matters. Gabe will focus on that.

"Connor... Hmmm. I don't really know, what about? Connor's awesomeness is extremely varied." He raises the bottle, smirk on his face.

Niles took a slow sip from his drink, watching Gabe. He tried to force himself to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Going out to see Amanda. Finishing his plans. But it was so hard to remember that when Gabe was right here, and the chair was so comfortable. And there was Connor. The one who helped him through so much. The memory of those arms around him, of that soft voice telling him everything was okay always chased the memories away. Almost always. Like a barrier between him and those awful things.

He lowered his glass, his free hand resting on Gabe's thigh. His gaze dropped to somewhere below the other's chin, not really seeing him anymore. Before everything went bad, he remembered the two of them. Walking with Niles back to the room he and Gabe shared. Still smelling of sweat and grass from their games in the afternoon sun. Walking beside them, wishing he were between them. Sometimes Gabe would change his shirt, or maybe just drop his bag off. Niles couldn't remember. But then he'd leave. With Connor. Leaving Niles alone.

His thumb rubbed in slow circles, as he tried to remember it. How many times had it happened? Was it real, or just his memory twisting things? Finally, he looked back up to Gabe's face. "You and him used to go off without me," he summarized. "Tell me...about what you two would do."

Gabe's smile was still soft, still full of schoolboy charm as he looked down at Niles' hand. Looks at that thumb, rubbing circles. There's a fondness when he looks up, even if his smirk is as evil as can be.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teases, and reaches over to flick Niles' ear, playful as he openly laughs. "I can tell, you know. You're thinking that we'd go back to Connor's room and kick his bunkmate out. Maybe sneak a girl in from the girl's dorm, maybe just the two of us. Connor would close the door and then the fun would be gin, taking off out shirts, unable to keep our hands from each other as we pinned one another, grappling for dominance. Hips against hips as we fucked, and fucked, and fucked."

The more Gabe spoke, the tighter Niles gripped the young man's thigh. There had been a time, when such words would have left him flustered and blushing. It was certainly the sort of things that dominated his thoughts as a young teenager, imagining what Gabe and Connor might be doing to one another. And it almost had that same effect on him now. But there were words in there that raked at him, like claws across his chest.

Pinned. Grappling. Dominance.

Each one dragged a flash of something unpleasant across his mind. Too brief to see, just enough to feel. And that grip suddenly felt as though he were holding a lifeline while that repeated word threatened to drag him down and drown him in the memory he so desperately didn't want.

"I'm serious..." he tried to sound firm, but there was a quiver of fear in his voice. His gaze flicked up to Gabe's face, but only briefly. "Why won't you just tell me?"

"Because it's hilarious to see your reaction," He states plainly. Settles down and puts one hand on the other's on his thigh. The other takes another swig, that same mischievous look on his face for a brief moment. He shrugs, as and that moment is gone. He's more casual, relaxed as he sits a top Niles' lap and looks down at him.

Boring into his his skin, digging into his nails.

"I dunno. We did a lot of things. Never homework. We actually did drugs. Hardcore drugs." That snide, snotty sarcasm that comes with most of his conversations and always had.

"Mostly just...Lay there and listen to music. Talk about how much England sucks and shit like that. And I'd fuck him into the mattress with him moaning my name, my balls smacking against his ass as I drove into him."

The more Gabe spoke, the more sullen Niles became. There once had been a time when such harsh things out of Gabe's mouth would have had Niles looking like he'd swallowed his own tongue. But he was used to it, now. At least to the point that he didn't choke at hearing it.

He doesn't look at his friend, even as he can feel that gaze on him even more readily than the weight in his lap. He tried to keep a barrier between him and the image Gabe seemed intent on conjuring. He downed the rest of the drink in one gulp. But the cringe the burn pulled from him lasted far too long. The image tangled with what he didn't want to think about. It was so hard to not think of what it felt like. And the terror that came with it. And suddenly, Gabe's weight on his lap wasn't as welcome as it had been. It was oppressive and claustrophobic. And Niles had trouble breathing.

He planted a hand on Gabe's chest, trying to push him off, but his arms felt weak. "Stop," he breathed out. "That's not...not what I...just...don't."

And Gabe, suddenly concerned, reaches a hand out to steady both himself and Niles. His brow is knit, worry on his face, frowning as he set the bottle of Jack down.

"What? What are you talking about?" He asks. Curious. "Not what you huh, now?" As if the entire conversation hadn't just happened.

Niles could just let it go. All of it. Pretend like it never happened. But that memory, no matter what barriers he tried to throw between him and it, tore through him like a hellbug.

He kept trying to push Gabe off his lap, the now empty glass falling from his fingers. "Get off," he said, his voice frantic. "We're gonna go," he insisted. "To the NeedWant. You promised."

Amanda.

He'd nearly forgotten about her. She'd be there. To greet him with a smile and a drink. Her soft hand on his, asking if he was okay. Everything would be okay, she'd tell him. The thought alone stopped the monster in his head, if just for a moment. It gave him clarity and just enough room to breathe. She'd make everything okay. He just needed to see her.

"Okay!" And Gabe does get off of the other, springing back up and stacking Niles' empty glass on top of his older ones near Amanda.

The bottle of port was nearly done.

He mock bows, a flourish. "Lead the way. You're paying, remember? Maybe it'll give me something to do while you shittily flirt with Amanda." He means it in jest, though, and he's surprisingly bright and bubbly and vibrant. Energetic, even. Excited.

The spark was there, now he was allowed to watch it burn.

"Race ya there, punk!" That wasn't a jest, as he literally bounds out the door with just enough time before to slip on his shoes. Gabe, it seems, has left Niles in the dust.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject