palmstraps | Are you waiting, are you wishing, are you wanting all that she can't give?

Are you waiting, are you wishing, are you wanting all that she can't give?

Niles was working late. More than settled in Defiance, now that Amanda was working for him. Better than that, she understood him. For the first time since he'd been a teenager, he shared the story of what had happened to him. Gabe had always told him that it was a terrible idea. It was better if only the two of them knew that horrible nightmare. But Gabe hadn't been there with him. Hadn't been there when his truck was held up and he was forced to strip. He didn't understand. He'd escaped that awful eleven days as one of the lucky few who hadn't been subjected to that awful treatment. And when Amanda had asked, he'd refused to share. Remembering his friend's words of warning. Of what someone might think of him. But with Amanda there, so caring and so gentle without prying, he'd opened up in a way he hadn't thought possible.

He felt better than he could ever remember. Amanda was finally warming to him. His plan with Doctor Yewll was going as smoothly as could be expected, now that the possible tech had been procured. Soon he'd be able to play the hero and rescue the sister thought dead. He'd be a hero and she'd never doubt him again. The only shadow over it all was that he hadn't heard from Gabe in almost a week. Not since his roller had been attacked.

That's how it always went, it seemed. Gabe couldn't be found when Niles needed him more than anything. Especially when it related to that day in particular. Just as he hadn't been there the day he'd been attacked. Yet he always seemed so incredibly jealous that Connor had been the one there to comfort Niles. It was something that he frequently questioned but tried so hard to not think about. Of everyone, Gabe had escaped without much in the way of injury. The rest of the students shunned him after that, and seemed to think Niles unwell for sticking by his friend.

Niles set down his pen, rubbing at the bridge of his nose in the dim light of his office. He needed to figure out a way to get Amanda unconscious. Deep enough that she could be given an injection in the back of her neck and not be woken up. Gabe was usually such a good sounding board for these things. Where the hell was he?

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Was Niles leading them to the apartment, or was Gabe? He couldn't tell anymore. But it didn't matter. He just nodded, giving a soft smile back. He felt so very heavy, and yet what Gabe promised still seemed to be the best idea of the day. He lowered himself into one of the living room chairs to start unlacing his boots.

But before he could do more than get the knot undone, his gaze fell on the glasses on the table. The nearest one the the faintest smear of lipstick. He reached for it, picking it up as though it might break from touch alone. Amanda had sat in this very chair, telling him of her own experience. He remembered she'd said something to him, something so incredibly kind that he felt lighter than he'd ever felt. Why couldn't he remember it?

"Why don't we get a drink at the NeedWant, first?" he asked, his tone almost dreamy. If he saw her again, he might remember. And he might not feel so heavy. "We can dance after."

"No, Niles," And Gabe speaks with such softness, a lullaby in his words alone. Brushes fingertips along the other's shoulders, planting strings in each part of Niles' framework to make him dance later on. "I have a better idea." He reassures Niles with a smile. Comes back with a bottle of old-fashioned port and one, single crystalline tumbler.

He sets the bottle and glass down on the table, ignoring the others. Ignoring the lipstick for now. Gabriel opens the bottle, pours. Fills the tumbler and hands the glass to Niles, taking a swig from the bottle.

"We drink right here. I already poured it, so don't be rude."

Niles should have protested. Should have said something as Gabe grabbed the bottle. As he poured the drink. As he drank from the bottle. But all he could do was watch. It wasn't the drink he wanted, not really. It was the company. Amanda would be there with her warm smile and then he could remember what she'd said that made him feel so good.

Something about being alone? It was right there on the tip of his tongue.

"One drink," he insisted, fingers wrapping around the glass. He stares at how much Gabe poured. That wasn't one drink's worth, it was three. He shook his head. "Just the one," he repeated. "Then we go to the NeedWant." Then they go see Amanda.

Why wouldn't Gabe let him leave?

"Maybe," Gabe simply says, and that angelic smile is flashed in Niles' direction. The one he'd normally use to get out of trouble, or to have Niles do his homework while he messed around with Connor. He leans forward before moving so he can sit on the table opposite of Niles but to the side, feet propped up on the edge of the couch. Purposely hiding the other glasses.

"You know, you should really stop pushing yourself. Take some time, you know? For you. It's been crazy here, no one would blame you." Another swig.

Niles took a slow sip from the glass. That smile could get Niles to do just about anything. It was the smile that kept jealousy from consuming him even when he knew the reason he wasn't always invited to hang out. Why they sometimes went to Connor's room without him. Connor was older, a few years ahead. And he was allowed his own room. They had privacy to...

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of those memories. It hurt too much to think about that, now. Now that Connor was gone. He frowned down at the glass, some how he'd already downed half of its contents. Trying to not think on it, he set the glass down and returned to the task of removing his boots.

"I can't stop," he responded, though minutes late. "We need to start collecting those memories soon if we're going to stay on schedule. We were already delayed by the theft..." By getting attacked. His fingers faltered on the laces, yanking them tighter instead of loosening them. "I can't slow down."

"No, you can't slow down," Gabe agrees. Getting the foundation; preparing the brick and mortar of the beautiful downfall of Niles Pottinger. Labouring the way with dimples and a quick wink to calm Niles down.

"But after what happened to you? Niles, please. 'Soon' isn't 'right now' or 'tomorrow.' One little day," He holds up a finger, as if the other couldn't count, "won't hurt." A wink. Another swig.

"Let me guess," He pre-emptively speaks: "We'll talk about it later, that's okay. I just worry you work too hard to make a fucked up world look perfect."

Niles opened his mouth to speak, but Gabe cut him off with the pre-emptive words. Tension eased out of his shoulders and he nodded. Gabe knew him son well. But then he shook his head, concern crossing his features.

"One night," he insisted, distracted. He focused on his boots yanking at the laces. "I just need to do this one thing. Once she has the EGO, we just have to sit back...it's all in Yewll's hands from there. I need to get it done tomorrow."

He was just making a mess of the laces. It was usually so easy. What was wrong with his fingers? "But tonight..." He picked up the glass and took another sip, flicking a sheepish glance toward Gabe.

"One night," Gabe agrees. One night can last forever, if given the chance to squeeze his hand around Niles' neck. One more swig and he lets out a happy little 'whoo!' with the fact that he's drinking at all. He sets it down with a loud thump, gets up and kneels in front of Gabe. There it is again, that smile, reassuring him that his sheepishness is okay.

He takes the other's shoe, resting it in his lap, and begins to untie and unlace them properly, whistling loudly and appreciatively.

"Votan-stomping boots. Very impressive. Kinky, too."

Niles relaxed back in his seat, letting Gabe take over. He continued to slowly sip at his drink, watching his friend with half lidded eyes. A faint smile passed over his lips in return to Gabe's smile. That bright expression always worked like magic on him.

He actually managed something close to a laugh at the comment. "Standard issue," he remarked. "What's that say about the Republic?" He threw back the last of his drink before he could think on the rest of the comment too long. There were certainly a few votans he'd like to stomp.

"That you're into some weird shit, man." But Gabe was laughing a little, triumphant. Looking his usual exuberant instead of moody self. He gently slides Niles' boot off of his foot, and ghosts his fingertips along his calf, as if wanting to touch but hesitating.

"It's okay. We're still friends even if you like to get hurled on for sexual gratification. Though I'm still sort of sad I can't go to the red light district in Amesterdam...I'll never see anything like it."

The touch on his calf seemed to ease even more his tension, even if he could barely feel it through his trousers. He knew the hand was there, that was enough.

The joke, even with the offer of no judgement, received a shake of his head. Sex was something that was incredibly lacking in his life. Even in his thoughts, unless thinking of the past--before that day. Pain and sex were two things he never wanted to mix, on either side. The very idea made him uneasy.

"You say that with all the time you've spent at the NeedWant?" he asked, trying to ignore his discomfort. "The night porters there offer things Amsterdam never heard of."

He went to take a sip of his drink, only to find it empty. Frowning, he looked through the bottom of his glass to his stocking foot. Weren't they supposed to leave, now? "Tell you what. We'll get you a taste of what's on offer. I'll pay." He started to push up from the chair. That was the agreement. One drink, then they'd go.

Gabe, refusing, didn't move from where he was kneeling. Niles was eager. Had to go. And Gabe? He'd push him back for just as long as it takes. He's got his teeth firmly into Niles' leg, like a bear trap. It's a matter of time before he bleeds.

The blonde reaches for the other shoe, already beginning to unlace it. "We just got here, you can do that /later/. Besides, why pay for sex when you can get it for free?"

He knows what this is about. Amanda.

Edited 2015-06-16 13:30 (UTC)

Niles sat back hard into the chair. It took him a moment to parse out what Gabe was trying to say. It collided with the subtle tingle of alcohol that was starting to settle into his head. For free? Did he mean...what Niles thought he meant?

He shook his head, trying to refuse. "You said you wanted to know what Amsterdam had been like..." he offered, wanting to insist they go. It was important they went before anything happened. Before he got passed tipsy. Amanda was there.

"Sure. So we'll go to Amsterdam. I've been to NeedWant, stop trying to get me to go because your girlfriend's there." He sounds dismissive--a real punk-ish attitude as he lifts his chin and smirks. The second shoe gets pulled off, and Gabe keeps the other's leg on his lap, walking his fingers up it to the knee.

"We're drinking, remember?" His free hand goes to the bottle. Takes a swig, offers it to Niles.

"It's...it's not..." Niles wanted to protest. Explain that the old world Amsterdam wasn't there anymore. At least not in the same way. The redlight districts were a thing of the past. Just like earl gray, ice cream and horses. There might be something similar, some replacement, but it would never be the same.

He waves the bottle away, shaking his head. "You agreed," he said, his head feeling fuzzier. "One drink, then we go." Arguing against Gabe seemed harder than it usually did. Why didn't he just stand up and walk out, boots or not? He was stronger than his friend, wasn't he?

"We had an agreement about dancing a couple of seconds ago, too," Gabe points out. Takes the other's hand and physically puts the bottle into it. Closes the other's hands, literally crawls into the other's lap like he belongs there. Licks his lips brings a hand up to stroke his hair, messing it from that fine hairstyle.

"C'mon. I'll let you off the hook for the dance thing if you have one more. Plenty of time to go screw your girlfriend."

Niles hand closed around the bottle. That weight on his lap was so comforting and so warm, he could just stay right there and leave until morning. But still, he shook his head. He pushed the bottle back at Gabe, trying to refuse the drink.

"We can still dance," he said, thinking that would appease Gabe. "But after we go. I just want to talk to her." He almost added 'one last time' but that seemed an odd thing to say, didn't it? "Set something up so we can get the EGO."

Gabe narrowed his eyes, turning the information over and over in his head. Digesting it, really thinking about it. Even as he's straddling his friend, and his arms sling around the other's neck casually.

"One more drink with me and then not only will I go to the NeedWant, but I'll tell you how to deal with Amanda." His brow lifts. "And I forgot about the dance."

For now. It's always a slow descent, at first.

Niles' lips pressed together, dropping his gaze from Gabe. He looked at the bottle in his hand, his thumb rubbing over the crystal neck of it. He didn't really want another drink, did he? That glass was three drinks in one. That should be enough, shouldn't it?

But Gabe had an idea for how to handle the Amanda situation. Why couldn't he just say it now? Why one more drink? Why couldn't he--

Trying to fight through the haze and find a way out of this, he felt it again. That thing that was just on the edge of remembering. But it was sharp and jagged and he didn't want it. In pulling away, he didn't want to think about any of it anymore. Maybe Gabe was right. Just one more.

"Hand me my glass," he said, still staring at his hand on the neck of the bottle.

"Eeeeeeyyyyy!" His hands wrap around the other's cheek, leaning forward to smack a kiss right on his nose. "Atta boy, Niles! I knew you weren't still that wuss I first met." He laughs, that angelic beam on his face, the all-american, wholesome son. He hands the glass to him, eyes alight.

"Okay, so: Yewll. What is up with those Indogene eyes, man?"

Edited 2015-06-17 06:01 (UTC)

Niles couldn't help but smile. It was small and sheepish, as if he were exactly what Gabe said he wasn't. That kiss and that smile was enough to reduce him to the insecure boy he'd once been. Glass in hand, he poured out a hearty measure of the port, twice as much as he'd intended. He pressed the bottle into Gabe's hand.

"I don't wanna talk about Yewll," he said. The alcohol was starting to really have an effect on him, now. His words were far less clipped and formal than they usually were. "Drink with me," he insisted. "And talk to me about..." he wanted to say 'why you hate Amanda.' But for the first time since Gabe showed up this evening, she wasn't at the forefront of his mind. In his thoughts, she seemed to be swapping places with someone he couldn't even see anymore. "...about Connor," he finished, his tone softening further.

He'll immediately shift his expression-the angel's smile turns into something a little less cherubic. Solemn, serious, but still fond of the memories. He takes a deep breath, and for a moment his chest rises.

Niles is drinking with him. That's all that matters. Gabe will focus on that.

"Connor... Hmmm. I don't really know, what about? Connor's awesomeness is extremely varied." He raises the bottle, smirk on his face.

Niles took a slow sip from his drink, watching Gabe. He tried to force himself to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Going out to see Amanda. Finishing his plans. But it was so hard to remember that when Gabe was right here, and the chair was so comfortable. And there was Connor. The one who helped him through so much. The memory of those arms around him, of that soft voice telling him everything was okay always chased the memories away. Almost always. Like a barrier between him and those awful things.

He lowered his glass, his free hand resting on Gabe's thigh. His gaze dropped to somewhere below the other's chin, not really seeing him anymore. Before everything went bad, he remembered the two of them. Walking with Niles back to the room he and Gabe shared. Still smelling of sweat and grass from their games in the afternoon sun. Walking beside them, wishing he were between them. Sometimes Gabe would change his shirt, or maybe just drop his bag off. Niles couldn't remember. But then he'd leave. With Connor. Leaving Niles alone.

His thumb rubbed in slow circles, as he tried to remember it. How many times had it happened? Was it real, or just his memory twisting things? Finally, he looked back up to Gabe's face. "You and him used to go off without me," he summarized. "Tell me...about what you two would do."

Gabe's smile was still soft, still full of schoolboy charm as he looked down at Niles' hand. Looks at that thumb, rubbing circles. There's a fondness when he looks up, even if his smirk is as evil as can be.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teases, and reaches over to flick Niles' ear, playful as he openly laughs. "I can tell, you know. You're thinking that we'd go back to Connor's room and kick his bunkmate out. Maybe sneak a girl in from the girl's dorm, maybe just the two of us. Connor would close the door and then the fun would be gin, taking off out shirts, unable to keep our hands from each other as we pinned one another, grappling for dominance. Hips against hips as we fucked, and fucked, and fucked."

The more Gabe spoke, the tighter Niles gripped the young man's thigh. There had been a time, when such words would have left him flustered and blushing. It was certainly the sort of things that dominated his thoughts as a young teenager, imagining what Gabe and Connor might be doing to one another. And it almost had that same effect on him now. But there were words in there that raked at him, like claws across his chest.

Pinned. Grappling. Dominance.

Each one dragged a flash of something unpleasant across his mind. Too brief to see, just enough to feel. And that grip suddenly felt as though he were holding a lifeline while that repeated word threatened to drag him down and drown him in the memory he so desperately didn't want.

"I'm serious..." he tried to sound firm, but there was a quiver of fear in his voice. His gaze flicked up to Gabe's face, but only briefly. "Why won't you just tell me?"

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